ALL GOOD THINGS ABOUT RECESSION

About 410 years ago, Shakespeare wrote that “there is nothing either good or bad, but, thinking makes it so”.

We are not sure whether Shakespeare understood economics, but, considering his expertise in all things about life, we can assume that he meant this prophecy for “Lehman Brothers” also. Till now you all may have heard, read ,felt or dreamt, the “bad”, “worse” and “worst” things about the economic depression. To prove that the great poet was correct, here is details of all good things about “recession”.

There is a statutory warning that reading these may be injurious to your mental health and you are agreeing to read this at your own discretion and risk.

First things first. Calories are directly proportional to salaries. Have you ever heard of problems of obesity, cholesterol levels, sugar issues etc., in those people who earn less? Recession leads to less increments, no increments or salary cuts. The good thing is that less you will earn less you would spend on calories intakes. You don’t have money to go to KFC’s and Macdonald’s and are away from fast food. You will remain fit and fine. There is no need to buy heart friendly but costly Saffola’s.
Secondly, the workplace becomes very congenial and friendly. There is no requirement to back stab your colleague and prove your more worthiness to your boss, since in any case; neither you nor your competitor is going to get any promotion and incentives. Sales targets are reduce and one can relax and enjoy. Negotiations are easy as vendors are willing to crawl, when you just wish them to bend.
Thirdly, in this era of global warming, glaciers declining and all those bad chemicals like carbon monoxide and nitrous dioxide, recession is a good time for environment. There is less road traffic. Since you can’t maintain four wheels, cheap and environment friendly cycle rickshaws become mode of travel. Emissions become less. Coal and firewood for cooking is not burning, since we don’t have anything to eat in the first place. The monster green house gases reduce and the eco system get a breather.

Further, the chance of having a divorce or split up in times of recession decreases considerably. You have less work and thus large amount of time for your spouse and girlfriends. There is no work stress and a perfect work-life balance exists. When the husband comes from work, the wife serves snacks and food prepared by “herself”. This is because maid in the kitchen for cooking cannot be afforded.
And, everything goes on “sale” in recession. Currently there is 40% sale on all products of “Reebok” and thus middle class people can tell their grandchildren that they actually went to a “Reebok” store and bought something. However you need to hurry up. As the tag line of ad campaign, gives the warning it is you vs. everyone. Real Estate companies, who used to deal in condominiums and purchase was by invitation only, are coming up with “affordable housing”. A year ago, in pre recession days, has anyone imagined that interest rates can actually go down? Instead of travelling in erstwhile “budget airlines”, you can travel in “full fare’’ airlines, since cost implication for both are same. As hotels are going all the way , to fill their rooms, you can get a hefty discount and get a chance of your life time, to have a “look “on how luxury hotels are from inside. Our Finance Minister, to boost economy and reduce recession effects, has reduced taxes on LCD TV’s, luxury cars. “Jai Ho”.

In conclusion we can safely say that there is enough empirical evidence that Shakespeare was right.

A SAMPLE SURVEY IN THE FUTURE

This is circa 25^th of December’’2050 A.D. MR International is again in the news, as it has won MRSI’s, “MR agency of the year “, for , now 45^th time in a row, and a special commendation, for managing the conference, within  allowed spend of carbon footprints. Of the many research papers, which were discussed, the much talked about, sample survey from MR was “Life-Style Trends of Mid-Twenty-first Century”.

The survey was carried out, using both qualitative and quantitative techniques. The quali team, has used, recently developed “deta-pano-keeta-conundrum-psycho” profiling technique, wherein respondents were exposed to collage making, through MS Office 2048. The quantitative research had collected data, through freelance android’s, which were programmed to burn, at the exact moment of any wrong data entry.

The survey revealed , that across,  all Indian consumers, the three main lifestyle aspirations (a) Owning an  Aircar  (b) Holiday in moon  (c) Having a relationship which lasted more than one year.
At present, Aircar is owned mostly by SEC A only (94%). SEC B to SEC E is still driving Roadcars. Maruti Suzuki’s “Breeze”, which is highest selling air car in India, continues to maintain its desire factor. Consumers feel that condition of Indian ATC (air traffic controls) is still deplorable and dangerous, yet, driving in air and looking down at other human beings, is “the status symbol”. However, the other interesting thing, which came out from the survey was, that 74% of respondents are confident, that Tata Motors, would soon be able to come up, with world’s cheapest air-car. Yes, people would not be provided space for their personal android in this small air-car. Yet, industry experts feel, that India remains a price sensitive market, and the “Aano” from Tata Motors would be a success.

Whether it is teens, tweens, and adults or even among PG (pre-Google i.e. people born before Google) generation, spending a vacation on moon means, that they have “accomplished “something and for the post Google generation, it connotes “have arrived”. Bringing pieces from the moon and then gifting to their jealous relatives, who have not been able to go to the moon, has become the latest fad in town. Price cuts by the two airlines in India are also a factor, feel respondents. Government run Indian Airlines has cut ticket prices by 5%, while the private run Kingjetdeccago   Airlines has cut by 5.001%. Research says that vacation on moon occupies a huge mindspace among Indian consumer because of the fact that moon at present is occupied by three countries, viz., USA, China and India. Further, the network problem on the moon has been recently solved, with new towers by BSNL, Airtel and Zoozoovodphone.

The other major lifestyle trend, which the sample survey focused, was the growth of virtual relationships. In the last two decades or so, real world relationships have lost relevance. Hence, today’s consumer aspires for a virtual spouse, girlfriend or a friend as they can manage to remain in relationship for more than one year. However virtual relationships are coming up with their own challenges. Research found that three main concerns are infidelity, compatibility and lack of expression of feelings.  Infidelity i.e. use of same e-mail account for virtual relationship with two people, is the biggest heart breaker. Then there are compatibility issues i.e. one partner switched to Linux, but, other is still on Windows. And, in the age band of 35-45, expression of feelings is a prime factor. Many a cases one partner is feeling that other was not sending regular  e-hugs and e-kisses to sustain the relationship. Because of these the virtual relationships are having their  stresses and causing insecurity and internet phobia.

Lastly, the survey asked each respondent as to what are the two main political issues  facing Indians at present. There were varied spontaneous responses (95% of them had some view), however, top of mind issues were (a) Kashmir Issue  (b) Babri Masjid Dispute. India and Pakistan are yet to arrive on a consensus about erstwhile United Nation’s 1949 resolution. However, majority of Indian’s (58%) feel that current Prime Minister Anmol Gandhi would be successfully able to carry forward the steps and initiatives taken by his father and ex-prime minister Rahul Gandhi. In Babri Masjid, most of the respondent’s (89%) don’t seem to have any hope of any resolution.

Note: The survey was carried out by MR, between 26^th November 2050 to 09^th December’2050. The respondent base was 834 across all SECs and was equally spread across all 4 major metros of India viz., Jaipur, Pune , Patna and Kochi. Besides, for qualitative part, chat room group discussions with respondents from mini metros of Delhi , Mumbai etc., were conducted. As per government of India guidelines, no paper was used anywhere and carbon foot prints were given as incentives to respondents for participation.